


I think I can live like this

by broken_bottles_bouncing



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 5up-centric, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Murder, Murderer au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29866395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_bottles_bouncing/pseuds/broken_bottles_bouncing
Summary: 5up needs a challenge. Fundy thinks that he can provide.In other words: a murderer au. No graphic descriptions, but stay safe.
Relationships: Floris | Fundy/5up
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is the longest fic I've written up to date. Special thanks to the paracasing discord server members for helping me out (especially Riptide and Wolfie), Percy, and members of the lorehoard server. You're the real MVPs of this fic. Without further ado, please enjoy.

It was a confusing path to say the least, but 5up had a decent sense of directions. A right, a left, a cut across and a loop around. Familiar signs had already popped up on the roads. 5up’s sneakers on the well worn pavement. He wrapped the scarf a little tighter around himself, allowing the ends to flop int he wind before turning into his house. A familiar sight greeted him, of a doorway with hanging jackets and coats along with neatly paired shoes. Further in was a slightly messy living room that had a comfortable couch and chairs facing a television mounted on the wall. Walking past it, he cut through, making his way into the kitchen that held his pride and joy — cooking utensils and a dining table. From the long walk, he was kind of hungry. He had been walking pretty fast too, burning of more than a couple calories. Methodically, he ran through what would be a comfort meal. Well, ramen was always a good option. A pot with water was already set to boil. Though, he washed his hands again. Just in case of any poison was left on it. After all, anthrax was a fine powder that is lethal. He could only feel a little proud with himself of how he had managed to use it in the nick of time, avoiding any sort of suspicion. Would you look at that! The water is done boiling. He pushed in some noodles, watching the strands fall in a circular pattern around the pot. Of course, fancy 5up had taken out some bonito flakes and mirin to add to the packet soup. Watching the water boil, the strands of noodles started falling into the pot, which he then happily added the soup packet and the extra ingredients. He reached for the knob, lowering the flames as he began to keep the different ingredients. Of course, ramen is nowhere complete without an egg, which he popped into the simmering water. A perfect meal for a good day. There’s a sound of chopsticks being split open and slurping. Meanwhile, there was a sound of breaking glass far away while someone gasped for their last breaths of air. A good day for 5up, a bad day for the cops and a bad person.


	2. Chapter 2

Streaming was a great job, “thank you paracasing for the gifted sub!” It was flexible enough where he could fit it anywhere in his schedule, his, not so packed schedule. Scrolling through the donations, it did warm his heart to see the amount of people that genuinely liked his content. Fulfilling to say the least. More importantly, a great alibi to what he did for that day. Streamers and internet influencers were known to never leave the house, allowing him to blend right in. 5up smiled at the donations, but more importantly, giggled to himself at the idea of playing games with Fundy. It was a true blessing to have met the friends he did online, Hafu, Tina, Scott… Most importantly, Fundy. It didn’t take long for the hybrid to warm his way into the leafling’s heart — and it certainly showed. Chat was going insane with clips of what they just did together, spamming hearts and emotes. A chorus of “cute!!” “Omg are they dating?” “5undy!!” Flew past. Fittingly so. 5up could really let himself go (to an extent) here, enjoying his time with Fundy. A softer, more jovial side was brought out, which was in unison with the challenging wits they both shared. Lighthearted intellectual fun, which definitely spoke to 5up as much as it did to Fundy.

“5up.. you are really observant.”  
“Only because I want to know everything about you Fundy.”

The flirtatious tone continued throughout the game, earning more subs as time went on. Though, the radish hybrid was feeling a little sleepy.

>I’m tired

>me too, had a late night streaming yesterday  
  
>want to end stream and chat?

>yeah

5up ended the stream, closing twitch and OBS on his computer. He was still on call with Fundy. Soon, they fell into the lull of a regular conversation.  
“How was your day?”  
“Eh, a little unproductive, I managed to get one part of the code working. You?”  
“Ahh, I was,” definitely not poisoning a corrupt businessman.   
“Trying out a new recipe for ramen.”  
“Hahah, how did it turn out?”  
“Pretty good!”  
“Try my special omelette, I swear it’s the only way you’ll make it from now on.”  
“We’ll see, we’ll see”  
  


They both laughed, 5up knowing that the recipe sounds ridiculous and Fundy enjoying teasing the snob about his food tastes. Though, one part of the conversation peaked their interests.   
“You know, I managed to get tickets to America, I’ll be able to see you soon.”  
“You got tickets? When? When can I see you?”  
“Ah uhh not anytime soon, but definitely within the next month. I’d say around two weeks.”  
“Awesome! Do you have any plans.”  
“Some, but-“  
“I know a good restaurant, we could..”  
Fundy could only patiently listen to the enthusiasm of 5up’s voice. Truth being, most of his streamer friends were in either UK or America. He’d already been too UK to meet up with one half and wanted to meet up with the others. Fundy could only laugh a little at the amount of ideas that poured out of 5up’s mouth. He’d definitely be setting aside a couple of days for him.


	3. Chapter 3

Within the two weeks, 5up’s compulsion to murder slowly dissipated, but simmered and smouldered ever so slightly under the surface. Talking to Fundy was far too exciting, along with the rest of his friends. Lulls of want was cut with game nights with Fundy and winning imposter in Among us.   
“Fundy, I think the cube needs to be on your side.”  
  


A portal opened near him as a lanky orange robot appeared next to him. Sometimes, it was nice playing games without a thousand people constantly commenting on their every move. This level in particular, had them stuck on a set of problems. 5up pushed himself to think of a solution as Fundy guided him and tossed out solutions of his own.  
  


“We did it!”  
“That’s why I’m dating you, because you’re so smart.”  
There was laughter and giggles on both ends as they progressed to the next level, GLADOS making a sarcastic remark.  
  


“How are you so talented 5up?”  
“How are you so smart Fundy?”

At times like this, 5up wished that Fundy was in person with him so he could watch the fox get all flustered while he soaked in the presence. He pulled up his scarf a little more, nuzzling into it. What a comforting thought. He couldn’t wait to see Fundy in person.

  
  


It had almost been two weeks, no new plans of who to kill, just game nights with his friends and Fundy instead. 5up was strangely content with it, rather than itching for a challenge, he felt comfortable not doing much. In particular, he looked forward to playing strategy games with the other brainiac, sinking in the moment and feeling satisfied. Sometimes Fundy’s messages alone were enough to pull him out of his mind and make him think of other things that he should be doing. He’ll admit, he’s been spending more time in the kitchen, working on different recipes. Or drawing a little more, creating different displates. Even so, organising his wardrobe in different fashion sensibilities. Productive, if he did say so himself.


	4. Chapter 4

“Fundy!!”  
“5up!!”  
  


Despite being in America for a while, 5up hadn’t gotten the chance to meet Fundy just yet, but Fundy had managed to make it to Arizona. They smiled, giving each other a big hug before slipping into an excited conversation. They both walked along the streets that was adorned with people and roadside shops. 5up leading the way as he promised Fundy that they had the best pastries he’s tried in a while. Fundy going on about his (mis)adventures he had while he was there.   
“After you,” 5up pushed open the cafe door, letting Fundy step in. It was a quaint little cafe, a small loft upstairs and some round tables on the cafe floor. There was a brilliant display of pastries, sandwiches and soups was displayed. From the corner of his eye, 5up noticed Fundy’s tail wagging ever so slightly at the sight of breakfast foods. He could only smile a little to himself as they waited for the breakfast platter. Well, a breakfast platter and a sandwich. Fundy claimed that he was indeed hungry for breakfast so they decided to share whatever they had. Though, based on the fox’s eating habits, 5up had a sneaking suspicion that he’d only be eating the sandwich. He was right, before his eyes the vulpe had began destroying whatever was on his plate. 5up chuckled slightly as he tucked into the salmon sandwich. As always, the tzatziki sauce mixed with crunchy cucumbers, thick smoked salmon and topped off with a crunchy sourdough bread always did him wonders. Fundy had already began decimating the omelet the size of two hands and was moving swiftly onto the bacon and toast that came with it. He took a mental note to see what Fundy liked, how fast he ate and what he ate it with. Perhaps out of habit, but mostly out of care for his friend.   
“Fundy, you might want to slow down.”  
“No- it’s ok!”  
  


The muffled response came through mouthfuls of bacon. Judging by the wagging tail, it really was ok. Fundy was a fox after all. 5up slowly worked his way through the sandwich, soaking in the classy atmosphere. Of course, filling himself with joy as he ate from the good food and the happy fox in front of him.  
  


“Fundy?”  
“Mrph?”  
Big yellow eyes looked up, dilating a little to focus better on the radish. 5up reached over with one hand to brush the crumbs of toast off his snout.  
  


“There we go.”  
  


“Oh, uh.. Thank you.”

\---

On another day, they had decided to take it slow, more specifically, walking through a nature reserve. The amount of cactus that grew in Arizona was truly staggering to the fox who was used to the cold of Europe. Fundy was dashing along the paths, looking at the foreign flora and fauna. 5up calmly walked along, taking his time to look at his pseudo brothers. Last time he was here, they were still little saplings and hadn’t quite managed to fully grow or bloom flowers. In a weird way, he found it endearing that he was back and watching their progress.   
  


“5UP!”  
  


Fundy’s warm paw grabbed 5up’s monumentally colder one, almost dragging him along to look at different desert marigolds. His eyes darting back and forth between the flowers and 5up, almost to say “isn’t it so cool?” 5up could only feel his heart stutter a bit when he realised that Fundy, subsumed in the moment, had forgotten that they were holding hands. No, he wasn’t opposed to it, but it was a little weird. Eventually, Fundy realised what he was doing, released the poor radish’s hand. Though, judging by their reactions, neither of them particularly hated it.

\---

Later that day, a particularly windy day, 5up had began rearranging his scarf that sat just a bit too loose on his neck. The poor plant hybrid was more sensitive to cold, needing to keep warm no matter the climate. Unfortunately, a strong gust of wind had snatched the bright red scarf right out of his hands and into the wind, flittering along the street. 5up began chasing after it, though, much faster than him was a blast of orange fur that whizzed past him, snatching the scarf mid air. Fundy returned with the scarf in paw.   
“Thank you Fundy.”

Instead of handing it back to him, Fundy had began to circle the scarf around the (in comparison) tiny radish, making a secure Parisian knot. Folding it in half, he draped it around the radish’s neck, pulling the ends through the loose loop and pushing it in place.

“Is it too tight?”  
“No”

Thankfully 5up had a scarf to push his face into to hide the very mild shade of beetroot that began to flush across his face. Thankfully, Fundy didn’t seem to notice. Thankfully, he was too distracted to notice the slightly wagging tail.

\---

“Ok, perhaps try Baba is Rock is Open?”

“No that won’t work, Rock is Sink.”

Of course, as all streamers do when they meet up, they do a stream for the extra clout (and twitch prime). Who was Fundy and 5up to deny that that’s exactly what they were doing? Who was 5up to deny his followers who were practically begging him for a Baba is You stream the minute they found out that Fundy and 5up had managed to meet in person. Currently, both of them were in 5up’s room, gaming on his set up. As always, 5up’s room was immaculate, decorated with nice art and photos of his travels. A decent sized table that held his screen monitors and whirring custom PC. Fundy was sat on a chair beside 5up, swishing in the chair a bit.

“Ok, let’s try Rock is Key and then what you said.”  
“I think I got it.”  
Soon enough, the little white creature on the screen had managed to hop on top of the flag, granting them a well deserved congratulations screen.

“Yeah! I love you 5up, you’re so smart!”  
“I love you too Fundy.”  
There was a light tone in their voice, but 5up couldn’t help but feel his body lighten a little bit hearing Fundy’s praise. Nor could Fundy really hide his wagging tail. Gingerly, they looked at each other, smiling a little. Just what if they did mean it in a different sense? 5up gently placed a hand upon Fundy’s paw, and Fundy pulling his paw away only to fully hold 5up’s hand. 5up muted himself from twitch.

“You know.. I can’t play the game properly if you’re holding my hand.”  
“Perhaps I want you to pay attention to me instead?”

It wasn’t clear who started it, but 5up lifted their combined hands up to give Fundy’s paw a kiss as Fundy did the same in return, for 5up’s hand.


	5. Chapter 5

The past few days had been nice, with 5up and Fundy occasionally flirting with each other as they made the most of Fundy’s trip to America. A little too nice. Inevitably, 5up had began wandering again. Both literally and metaphorically, wandering the streets himself. He tugged on the ends of his scarf. As much as he enjoyed spending time with Fundy, he itched for some form of challenge. The challenge of not getting caught, executing the crime perfectly, the rush of pride he feels when he knows everything is perfect. Everything was perfect, he never (and will never) got found out. Not even once. Of course, he didn’t have anyone in mind right now but. His eyes darted from place to place. It was never hard to find some scum who the world was better off without. Big, coming from him, 5up knew, but at least he wasn’t picking off people who actually had a life. He pilfered through his brain, thinking of the different methods he hadn’t tried yet. Arson, perhaps a fake accident. Who knows? 5up could only chuckle inwardly as he began to think on it, making his way back to his house after a solitary walk, pulling up his scarf a little.

Though, it wasn’t. I, how do I. Fundy, god what have I done. I can’t keep Fundy if I keep up with it. I can’t help it, what do I do.

5up’s realisation hit him like a sharp note of alcohol that ran down his throat. Exactly what was he to do now? He couldn’t tell the fox that he was a murderer, nor could he keep him around if he knew what was going on. He couldn’t give up his love that easily could he? Just how much of 5up did Fundy know, did Fundy even realise it? 5up paced around his house, removing his scarf and throwing it across the couch. There was just so much risk, his streaming job, his friends, his relationship, the possibility of getting caught, who is he going to kill next. 5up felt his chest constrict like a snake coiling into its prey. He desperately tried to search for a solution only to come up with.. nothing. It bested him. For just how long had he fallen under Fundy’s spells? Was this even like him? He bit his lip, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He couldn’t let Fundy know. No.

The next few days were riffled with stiff interactions, hand holdings felt more like handcuffs, dates felt more like a test of endurance, a test where his heart was going to burst with love. It took 5up just a little longer to hold hands back, to return a kiss and smile before looking away. Conversations often ended a lot faster than they needed to be, 5up leaving just a little earlier. He couldn’t keep it up forever he knew, and he knew that Fundy wasn’t stupid either. Far from it, Fundy had already noticed.

“Hey Fundy I think I need to go home.”  
“Are you sure? It’s still really early out.”  
“Yeah”  
Fundy reached out his paw for 5up’s hand, 5up had a split moment hesitation before reaching out and holding it. He squeezed it a bit before letting go, pulling himself further into the sweater. When 5up reached home, he realised that Fundy had messaged him.

>I’ll see you tomorrow?

>I’m not feeling the best right now

>did something happen?

>I’m just not feeling too well

>do you not like me anymore?

5up had to pause, reading the message. He felt himself sink a little. When he looked back, two more messages appeared.

  
>why’re you pulling away? Did I do something?

>no, I just need some time right now

That was the honest truth, he did need some time at the moment. Fundy merely responded with an ok but it was more a resignation than anything. 5up sighed, throwing himself onto the couch, something he found himself doing a lot these days. He already missed holding hands with Fundy and going on walks with him. But, what could he do? Meanwhile a certain fox sat in a cafe alone, troubled by the date. He sipped on the coffee in front of him, tapping a finger on the cup. It wasn’t very like 5up to suddenly bail for no reason, or to suddenly pull away. Thinking through the past few days, it isn’t as though anything had particularly changed. Was 5up getting cold feet? No, he didn’t seem like the type of person. All Fundy could do was let out a strained sigh and go home for the day.

Eventually, 5up shot Fundy a message.   
>I’m ready, meet at my place?

>Ok


	6. Chapter 6

Fundy released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, tugging on his hat and smoothing out his jacket. Quickly, put on his shoes before making his way to 5up’s house. Closing the door behind him, he found the man himself sitting on the couch, looking mildly distressed.  
  


“Hey”  
“Hey, so.. I wanted to talk about what’s been going on. I’m sorry for making you wait, I need some time.”  
“I’m waiting,” Fundy’s tail curled around his leg a little, tapping his finger on his leg.  
  


“I.. Um, don’t know how to word this well.” By far, this was the least confident that Fundy had seen 5up, head tilted down and slunk into himself. Though, the silence that 5up left was gnawing at Fundy’s skin.  
  


“Do you not like me?”  
“No! No it’s not that.. I like you, I really really like you. It’s just that-“  
  


“Then why are you avoiding me? Have I done something wrong?” Fundy stepped closer, sitting down close to 5up and reaching out his hand. 5up flinched, pulling his hand away a little before gingerly touching and eventually holding Fundy’s hand.

“I.. Fundy,” he looked the fox in his eyes. Fundy’s face was undeniably filled with confusion and concern.   
“Fundy, I've... I've, um, killed a person before. Multiple people." 5up could feel Fundy tense, tail straight down. Still confused and now, worried. The type of “I don’t quite believe you worry.”  
“By accident? Or-“  
“No, on purpose.”  
  


5up watched as Fundy froze still, trying to swallow what 5up had just told him.  
  


"Did. wait, hold on let me get this straight, you killed multiple people on purpose?”  
  


“Yes.”  
  


Fundy slowly pulled his paw back, sitting back into the couch, still digesting the information. 5up watched as he shifted around, brushing his tail a little.   
“You- you killed multiple people, did they hurt you or? Why.. why did you do it?”  
  


  
There's always been a serenity in the loss of life. A sense of control, a sense of challenge and power that one holds. A quiet plea from one side and the closing of a bite from the other. 5up did if for the challenge. The game never began when the other's person's last breaths escaped them, no. It was the careful planning, the links together that swirled together like clotting gelatin. The careful breaking apart of the plan, the knowing of what technology he used or what evidence he had left behind. What was it that was good enough for the police to be satisfied and for himself to be proud. A masterpiece plan in his opinion. The wait, the lay low and the eventual success. That was what he was after, it provided a challenge like no other.  
  
  
“Because,” 5up took in a breath.   
“Because I needed a challenge. I don’t kill random people, these people had done horrible things, so I took it as a challenge.”  
  


Fundy stood up, tail swishing methodically as he paced around the living room, each piece of information only seemingly making him more confused than the last. Almost like waiting for the final moment of a test to be over, he stopped.  
  


“I don’t believe you.”   
“What don’t you believe?”  
  


“Because! Because I like you! You wouldn’t do that to me or your friends! I-I don’t get it.”  
“No, I wouldn’t do that to you or your friends.”  
  


“Then why them? How?”  
  


5up could feel the weight of each word on his tongue as he shifted it around, carefully shaping them and pushing it out.  
  


“Fundy, they were.. bad people. i know it’s big coming from me but they were bad and I.. I needed a challenge, to not get caught.”  
  


"Well, yes, but, you _killed_ them, 5up. Them being bad doesn't excuse that." Fundy’s eyes were narrowly staring into 5up’s, paws curled into a ball. 5up himself could feel his own hands gripping the ends of his scarf.  
  


“No, no it doesn’t but- just after a while it, I, I can’t help it, it’s too much of a challenge.”  
  


“I don’t get it 5up. I don’t, you can do so much more, you don’t have to kill.”  
  


“I-“  
"5up, why? Just tell me why"   
"Fundy, I- I'm sorry, I have to, I'm sorry."   
"No 5up that's the thing, you don't have to, you choose to." Fundy had a small snarl on his snout. Tail upright, but he didn’t exude anger, no. It was more disbelief, almost-  
  


"No, I don't choose to. It's something I don't have control over."  
  


"Well then, if you have no control over it, how about I help you with it?"   
"No- Fundy you really don't have to do that."   
"See? You are choosing to do so, I'm willing to help you but you're refusing my help. And if you refuse help, there's nothing I can do.” -disappointment, frustration, desolation. He stormed upstairs, pulling his hat down and coat tighter, letting 5up stew in his own mistakes. 5up then felt the weight of his own mistakes fall upon him like a giant rock. There was no one to turn to, nothing to distract him. He sat there, letting Fundy’s words seer into him. Just what had he done? Was he better off not telling? Would Fundy report him? 5up’s thoughts that seemingly ate time like a solar eclipse was broken by the sound of Fundy’s voice, his footsteps ever quiet.  
  


“5up, I _know_ you can do better, I _want_ you to do better.”  
  


5up looked up, watching the fox’s face droop with sadness. His entire body seemed to be pulled down by the disappointment that broke all over him, seeping into every corner of the house.  
  


“I can help you, but you have to choose.”  
5up wanted to tuck himself like a cat away into the corner of the couch at this very moment. He felt himself push his head down into his scarf, almosting wanting to cry from what was going on.  
  


“Please?”  
5up felt something hot roll down his cheeks and into his scarf as he pulled up his knees to his chest, letting his stock flop to the front, too jumbled to push it back. He just wanted to love Fundy without any complications, of course he knew that he’d have to face this one day.   
“I.. I like you.”  
“I like you too 5up.”  
  


He could hear the door opening and Fundy leaving, making 5up so very alone with his thoughts. So, very very alone. Fundy could feel a splash of rage and a sea of disappointment roll inside of him. What the fuck was that? He ran a paw over his face, returning to the hotel room and biting his pillow out of frustration. Fuck, was it really that hard to choose? He could help, he can help. 5up wasn’t inherently unsalvageable, so why now?


	7. Chapter 7

5up cried. The first time in a while, the cool, sassy, quick witted 5up was sobbing like a child into his clothes. Just what has he done? Could he really give it all up? Just why? The challenge, the thrill, everything. The last thing he remembered was Fundy. Sunlight stabbed his eyes as he woke up in a weird position on the couch. More than ever now, he felt empty, his options clearly laid out on the table in front of him. Stumbling into the bathroom, he washed his face, staring at himself in the mirror. What would hurt more? Losing Fundy? Or the challenge? He didn’t know, not now at least. All he could do was make himself a bland bowl of oatmeal, considering the choices in his head as he ate slowly. Not being able to talk to Fundy anymore, the loss of the moments where he felt like he was walking on air, holding his hand, challenging each other at chess, could he really stand to lose that? He took the day to himself, washing his scarf, tweeting that his games today were canceled, cleaning up his house. The question perpetually lingering in the back of his mind, nothing quite sitting right with him. He sat down. To be fair, he hasn’t killed anyone in almost a month. Sure, he could have gone on for longer, but he’d always have a plan jumping around in his mind. Would it really, truly hurt to live a life without it? Was it worth losing what he had built up? Streaming, letting thousands of people down? No. 5up held his head in his hands, he hated being pushed into a corner, but this time it’s by his own hand.  
  


>Have you made your choice?  
>Yes. I think I’ll try.  
>Try what?  
>Try giving up killing.

Fundy took a breath.   
>Ok. I care about you.  
>Thank you.

He could help.


	8. Chapter 8

After some coaxing, Fundy convinced 5up to meet him again. There 5up was, finding himself on the couch again, clutching his scarf.  
  


“What makes you want to kill, the challenge right?”  
“Yes.”  
“Ok,” Fundy moved closer, softening his voice as to let 5up know that he was there for him, not against him.   
“Next time you feel like it, could you tell me so that I can distract you?”  
“O-ok.” 5up instinctively moved closer to Fundy for comfort, which was happily provided.  
  


“We can try to do stuff like co op games or things that require focus. As for the thrill..” 5up tensed a little at that.  
  


“I think that there’s a satisfaction to doing something that takes a lot of planning to see it work out.”  
“Yeah, I agree.”  
“We can find things like that, coding is good.” That earned a small chuckle from 5up.  
“I am not spending time to scream at lines of code.”   
“Hey, it’s not so bad.” They shared a small laughter. 5up feeling himself reach for Fundy’s paws to hold and gently understand the moment, Fundy reassuring him. 5up took a breath, he can do this.

5up slowly eased into his new routine. Whenever the overwhelming feeling of need arose he’d quietly excuse himself to Fundy. The first few times, he hesitated with a stutter in his voice, “I, um, feel like killing again.” Understandably, he had always had a split moment where he braced himself for Fundy leaving or saying no, but he was always met with kindness. The fox would drop what he was doing, only to tightly embrace the radish and distract him. Distract, often with cuddles, games or cooking.

“Ok, give me a bit to set up the board.”  
“Mhm ok.” 5up sat still, waiting for Fundy to set up the chess board, flipping the white side towards himself. Soon, 5up had began to release the idea of murdering bit by bit, allowing himself to get sucked into the game of chess.   
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Fundy.”  
“Hehe, I know what I’m doing."

They did find that activities that required 5up’s full attention was often the best.

“Come here,” Fundy pulled his boyfriend into a hug. 5up leaned in close, grounding himself in the scent and warmth of the fox. Warm, fluffy. He draped Fundy’s blanket around himself jut a little more.   
“Does having my clothes help?”  
“Yes.”   
The trip to USA wasn’t forever, but Fundy had enough spare clothes to leave behind one or two jackets which 5up frequently wore whenever he was feeling particularly lonely, or murderous.

Eventually, 5up began working things out, becoming less embarrassed to ask for help. Besides doing activities that demanded 5up’s attention, Fundy allowed 5up to cuddle with him as he discussed his thoughts about murder, never commenting about how dark or fucked up it got. It wasn’t always that 5up felt comfortable or Fundy having the energy to, but at those moments, they felt the most soft with each other. Vulnerable but safe in each other’s arms. When Fundy went back to Netherlands, 5up began journalling or doing arts and crafts to distract himself. Occasionally, 5up would call Fundy as a distraction, only to hear the sleep deprived fox babble on, which made him laugh. 5up often took steps at his own time, without the pressure from Fundy. Their relationship wasn’t perfect by any means, but it suited their needs well. Gradually, 5up began picking up more hobbies with the help of Fundy: songwriting, coding (to no one’s surprise), strategy games, game making and more. Looking back, 5up still sometimes felt the need for something more thrilling, but hearing the roar of laughter from his friends on discord, the giggles of the fox, the warmth he felt-  
  


“5up?”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.”  
He felt that he could lead life the way it is now.


End file.
